Tag: trying for 3000
group name: oneendlesspoint
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September 28, 2008 03:49 PM EDT --
At his 103rd birthday party, my grandfather was asked if he planned to be around for his 104th.
"I certainly do," he replied. "Statistics show that very few people die between the . . .
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September 28, 2008 03:57 PM EDT --
Eight and a half months very pregnant with twins, I was used to getting nervous glances from strangers. But I never realized how imposing I was until my husband and I went out to dinner at a new restaurant. . . .
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September 28, 2008 10:34 PM EDT --
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take . . .
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October 19, 2008 09:38 PM EDT --
* "Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?"
* "That's right, not even McGyver could fix it."
* "So -- what are you wearing?"
* "Duuuuuude! . . .
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October 28, 2008 06:38 PM EDT --
1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment . . .
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November 08, 2008 02:00 PM EST --
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks . . .
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November 08, 2008 02:05 PM EST --
A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. He orders a drink and the barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?"
The man replies, "It's a long-running family . . .
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November 08, 2008 11:15 PM EST --
One of the presidential candidates was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked the candidate . . .
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November 09, 2008 12:22 PM EST --
A doctor, an engineer, and a lawyer go out hunting in the woods one day. Each of them brings along his hunting dog, and they spend most of the morning arguing about which of the dogs is the smartest. Early . . .
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November 09, 2008 12:24 PM EST --
A man sentenced to prison was put in a cell with an older convict who had been there for many years.
One day, they were talking about their pasts, and the old man said, "Look at me. I'm old . . .
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November 09, 2008 07:58 PM EST --
1. For every mile you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you, at the age of 85, to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000/month.
2. The only reason I took up . . .
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November 09, 2008 08:02 PM EST --
Dear Sir:
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000.00 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next . . .
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November 09, 2008 08:04 PM EST --
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected . . .
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November 09, 2008 08:07 PM EST --
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist! He insulted me terribly this . . .
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November 09, 2008 11:12 PM EST --
Carpe Diem -- Seize the Day
Carpet Diem -- Seize the carpet
Carpayment Diem -- Seize the checkbook
Carpe Duh -- Seize an idiot
Carp Diem -- Fish of the day
Crampy Diem -- Seize the Midol
Carpe . . .
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November 13, 2008 08:09 PM EST --
I just got back from the funeral parlor. A coworker's 20 year old son passed suddenly on Monday. I would like all my gather friends to say a prayer for him and his family at this time. . . .
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November 20, 2008 05:45 PM EST --
An error has occurred - could be anything really.
Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred?
Error: An unspecified error has occurred. Please correct the error . . .
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December 06, 2008 02:29 PM EST --
This guy walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress: "How much is the coffee?"
"Coffee is three dollars the waitress said".
"How much is a refill?" the man asked. . . .
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December 09, 2008 10:14 PM EST --
I am 20 points away from my goal to get $25 in paypal, I hope to go over the top this evening with my comments. I could use a little bit of help.
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November 20, 2008 05:37 PM EST --
A man patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."
"Oh, Daddy," gushed the daughter, "it's . . .
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